Frustration on Frustration

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

It’s not too much of a coincidence that this post is in the same theme as the last because it’s all I’ve been able to really think about the last several weeks.

Today I had an interview. Yesterday I had an interview. I’ve had lots of interviews. I already got shot down this-morning from the position I interviewed for yesterday, and I respect that. Better to know than be sitting around wondering what in the world.

The interview today, I wasn’t sure when it was. I wrote down 10 but I am reasonably certain a minute measure after that was mentioned. But I showed up at 10 anyway. When I got there, the service desk was packed. At least six or seven (groups of) customers. One worker at the desk. So I found the first employee who looked like they were wandering around.

He took me to the service desk and was back there talking off and on to the person working the desk and doing other things back there. Then he lead me to an employee area entrance and asked me to wait. He disappeared for a few minutes. When he re-emerged he said he told her and she would be down to get me momentarily. This was about 10:03.

10:16, an employee asked me if I was alright and I said was told I was here and they said ok and walked off. Again by a different employee about 10:20. I wasn’t sure what time it was so I figured it could very well be 10:30 or 10:45 and she was going to get me when she had a chance that may very well not be until the scheduled interview.

So, 10:55 I call (service desk was still busy at the time, didn’t want to bother them.) I called because I know service desk is far from the only person at a store with the setup of to answer phones. And, sure enough, the lady at the service desk didn’t answer the phone.

Got through to . She said she was coming down to get me.

“If you had gone to service desk, she would have called me,” said.

“The person I talked to did stop at the service desk before bringing me here and going in to make sure you knew. I was told you were notified,” I responded. (paraphrasing, was so irritated she said that my memory became fuzzy.)

“If you had talked to her, she would have called me directly to tell me,” she said, pointing at the service desk lady.

I started to say something and she interrupted me and said no she would have told me. So I just shut my mouth because all I could think to say was “Sorry I didn’t know the magical secret procedure to summon you.”

Thankfully I didn’t have to interview with her.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

Stress About Moneys

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

This is the first time since we moved out with no other financial players that we’re short a couple hundred for all of our bills. Some stuff can be pushed off until later, but all that is going to do is put extra weight on
the future. I’ve been happy that we have been able to drop our food budget down from 120-150 for two weeks to 80 for two weeks and still cover everything. This week, to cover everything, I would need to drop gas for two weeks from 60 to 30, which I think we can do. I would also need to drop food from 120 we had last week to 50. That is keeping the excess from last pay period instead of putting it in savings.

Savings, by the way, is about as low as I ever want to see it. If we have to replace 2 tires, we’ll have to use credit. It was high enough a week ago to cover it, but dookie-happens took 90 from it.

I’ve been making more book sales than I expected, so ideally I can sell ten or so of the digital or twenty or so of the signed books and not be eating ramen noodles for two weeks. I’ve learned not to hold my breath, though.

I have my hat in the ring in several temp agencies for the hours of 4-11am. I know it’s a terrible schedule to find work for. But that’s the only availability I have for hours. So it’s what I have to work with. And even then, that’s assuming I can sneak sleep in, if I do get those exact hours, between the usual time baby hopefully goes to bed at 9pm to maybe 3am, or 2am, depending on how far the drive is and how much I have to do to get ready.

I had been doing Uber during some of those hours, and some hours while Beth had days off. The problem there is, the hours in the morning I rarely made more than 40 bucks over 4 hours. Take gas out, you’re down to 25 bucks. That’s not taxed, either. So as you can imagine, I really never want to drive uber. All it’s going to do is nail us harder and harder in next year’s tax return. I’m not remotely interested in that.

I really need to suck it up and try to find a stocking job during those hours. I suspect that is a shift that can work with those hours. Plus I know I’m good at stocking.

Whatever. I’m going to go cry myself to sleep now.

Interested to see what information comes up on the true motivation behind what happened in Dallas. I put ten bucks on conservatives trying to mud up BLM.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

About Dump Bin

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

If you go far enough back in the dump bin, it reveals itself as previously being a blog. You see, I used to always keep a public journal.  As time went on and I had more to say, I started writing actual blog posts.  Then, I split off to a more private journal that only myself and a few people had access to.

After a few years, I ended up in a year long relationship to someone. Who was engaged. They had left the logged in blog open and their fiance saw it.  She essentially always kept herself logged in and, though closed out the blog, did not get logged out.  So her fiance would read every detail of what we were doing, where we were doing it, when we were doing it, everything.  He just thought that I was some crazy coworker fantasizing about her.

Then one night I wrote about putting in a Marilyn Manson CD called Antichrist Superstar. Wrote how she woke up at 4:30am to shut it off because she couldn’t stand hearing it anymore and couldn’t sleep. I was his cd, from his cd case.  We forgot to put it back. So, he got curious, went up and checked his CD case, that spot was empty. He hadn’t listened to it in over a year and a half because she hates it.  He looked in the CD player, there it was. Then he realized that whole journal was true.

I had stupidly fallen for her, though I knew she was full of lies and I knew she was engaged to someone else (clearly, as they got a house together in the middle of us going at it all the time)… and in the fallout from that, I ended up just shuttering all the blogs I had.

So, that was a long story. After that, some years later, I started what is now the dump blog. I salvaged a lot of stuff from the old blog(s) from yesteryear.

The Dump Blog, for a long while now, has just been where I copy/pate shit like chats and screenshots, whatever it is I want to have on record in case somebody down the road hears some bullshit and says IS THAT TRUE!?!?!?!?  and I can confirm or deny with evidence. It’s an old old habit from BBS days when people would start shit with me or friends, and I originally didn’t save chat logs.  Then, I started saving chat logs.  So when people would start shit and lies would come up, I could offer up the true story.  And it carried on through current day.  Even easier to show as being unedited as facebook code tends to copy over as well.  Who the fuck has time to edit all of that shit by hand?  It’s legit in my blog.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

Descent . Signed

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

For those of you who want a signed copy of descent, that option is available here.

How this will work, is I have 5 books arriving tomorrow. As I sell them, when I get down to one left, I will order five more. I will repeat this until nobody buys them anymore.

The price for each book goes up 2 dollars, mainly because of the time I will personally have to spend on this. The shipping will be $11.63. I’m sorry I can’t work the numbers lower right now until I get a different rate from UPS. I don’t trust USPS, and with the proper insurance through UPS vs. what it would cost with USPS for the same insurance, UPS is cheaper. I’ve worked shipping too many years in my life to ever send anything through the shipping gauntlet to not have insurance applied.

When ordered, make sure to fill out what you want written to personalize it. On top of that, I will sign the book under the personalization. I noted on the website that anybody who orders a signed one without noting what they want personalized, I will just write whatever I decide to write above the signature.

If you would like to email me about an order, or otherwise have questions about a previous order, feel free to pop me an email. I will try to get back to you within a few hours, as long as I’m awake.

Regarding Advertising

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

I am keenly aware that I hate advertising.  However, I am also keenly aware that I am uninterested in being broke forever.  I am trying to build something massive, and have been for some time. Part of that is, I hope that I can see some revenue come back from what I’m putting together.  Now, I will never be like those clickbait sites we see all the time where 9/10ths of the things you can click on wherever you are on the website, are advertisements, or links to pages full of essentially nothing but links to other pages like it, all of which have tons of advertisements.  It’s disgusting.  I’m trying to keep it to one advertisement on pages with one small blog post, and one at the top plus one at the bottom of pages with larger blog posts.

I understand most people have plugins or otherwise use extensions which block advertising, and I’m cool with that. I do too. So you all will only see the advertisement markers.  Plus, I know I have some readers and website visitors who have been with me for over a decade. All of you know I’ve gone the vast majority of that time previously fully free of advertisements, entirely relying on donations and sales of whatever it is I have for sale at that moment.  Many of you also know, most of that time has been frustrating for me because I’ve made far less than I aimed to.  Even bottom line sales hoping for so it at least pays for itself, almost always fall short.

So please understand my decision to start advertising in my blog.  I also started a relatively short time ago, regarding putting advertisements up on pondbrain’s main website.  I’m slowly working on a different version of pondbrain which isn’t so slapdash.  I would like for everything housed within to feel like it has a reason for existing, rather than just another discarded website on an index of a website that exists only to index things from the past.

Please contact me if you have complaints, or compliments.  Either way, I do like hearing what you think.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

A Note on Sales

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

I was amazed. I posted the four track EP, self titled HATE ALL LISTENERS. I did it summer 2015. That’s when I posted it. On July 4th to the website, and only to the website. Then on my birthday on September 6th, it hit everything. Spotify, Google Play Store, iBlows err iTunes, everything. I essentially did nothing else. I did some light facebook promotion and paid 20 bucks to get the page some visibility, thus some views. And I walked away. I didn’t promote anywhere. yet, by mid march in 2016, that little four track throw-away project made more money on spotify than Symphony of Noise did from 2010-2016 combined.

A smart man would immediately put out a full album. I am not a smart man. Nor do I have any plans for a full album. The only plan I have, is Symphony of Noise songs that evolve into something too painful to fit into the SoN catalog, will be altered to appear on the first HATE ALL LISTENERS album.

I’m sure the first full LP will be done by the end of 2017. Though maybe not. I just know there’s no way I see it happening this year.

Categories: HaL

What The Future Holds

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

Here are the upcoming projects for Symphony of Noise.  However, there is no time table. It could be this year. It could be in 2020.

FOUR NEOPLATONIST HIEROGLYPHS
This will be a four disc album. It will have vocals on almost every track, and will have four topics.
1 . HUMANITY
2 . POLITICS
3 . RELIGION
4 . NATURE

The disc about Religion will effectively replace what was once going to be God Is Void. This will be a Rock, Guitar driven, album.

The disc about Humanity will effectively replace the disc which I was previously working on that I restarted and re-envisioned called The River of Piss. This will be a Hip Hop / Rap / Gangsta Rap feeling album.

Nature will be a disc created with an idea I’ve had for years regarding how to do a concept album. This will be a sort of hybrid between Industrial, Atmospheric, Electronic, Techno, type… album. I’m sure you follow.

Politics is essentially written already and half of the tracks are fundamentally completed. This will be an album that is a mix of Soul / Jazz / Funk with some Dubstep aspects.  Though so far none of it, in my opinion, is on par with the inspiration for the sound – Watch The Duck. But I’m trying.

An album that is separate from the above that is and will continue to be in the works, and will come before 4nh, is Infinite Machine. Vent 8.  I am drawing from my own life and self destructive aspects to put this together.  It is already written lyrically and slowly being pieced together.

I hope to have more to post before the end of summer.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

Dear Isobel

\/ advertisement \/



/\ advertisement /\

I am writing this to you in case I am unable to bring you with me. The last month has been too busy for me to see you very often and I worry that it will remain this busy until the end. What is the end? I imagine if you are reading this, and I am gone, the end has already come through. I don’t even know if you will survive. And I don’t know what I am allowed to say regarding how I knew the end was coming.

I do want to say I love you. It has been a crazy year since we met. I don’t know how much of the Phoenix metro I would have been able to see without you showing me around. I also don’t know how I would have handled myself through work without your company on my fleeting days off.

When we first met in person I expected that we would immediately hit it off as friends. We have so much in common that I thought there wasn’t a chance you would be attracted to me. And when I first saw your smile, I was devastated. I was devastated that there being no chance for you to be attracted to me meant I would be haunted for the rest of my life by your beauty mixed with the fact you would never love me.

I was wrong. And I am beside myself about being wrong. You smiled at me so much I was worried I was developing false hope. And when you started holding my hand and demanded I kiss you, I started realizing I was wrong. I’ve never been so filled with joy about being wrong.

My dread now is sourced from worrying you won’t make it through the end. I try not to worry about it, but there’s nothing I can do. I’ve planted some seeds which I hope will blossom into you being saved from everything. I don’t even know if I believe what I think I know about what is coming. I just know I am smitten with you.

It occurs to me that you may not even receive this. I programmed multiple sources to email you this a couple months after the end is supposed to have come. I realize there may be no technology left, but if there is, and if any networks exist, I am hoping one of them will connect to you, and that at least one will deliver.  If all exist, and you are bombed with the same email a hundred times, I apologize.

I also apologize for this letter feeling so dark. I am doing everything I can to appear upbeat as I run this building and spend time with you. But when I am opening up in moments like this, it is hard. I also wanted you to know why I would become so morose with you when opening up face to face. This is why. I knew horrible things were coming for humanity and was powerless to stop it. My choices were get run over by it, or help dump fuel in. I don’t regret helping dump fuel in if it means I might be able to save a couple people I love.

I hope this reaches you in good health, regardless of the craziness in the world.

Sincerely,
James Freeman

\/ advertisement \/



/\ advertisement /\

Headaches and Fatigue

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

Today I woke up with memories of a complex dream. I typed a little bit of it and realized if I were to type out the whole dream, I would be spending at least two hours doing so. If I typed out my dreams every night, I believe I would average about an hour of typing out dreams per day. While most of my dreams are interesting to me, I don’t think they are interesting to anyone else. That’s why the first dream I was driven to type up in a long time, was the dream I posted as the first post in this new blog setup.

I have been deeply stressed the last week.  Actually, I have felt the stress weight strongly since June 2014. But the last week especially, because our electric bill is a hundred dollars higher than expected.  And will continue to be through the summer.

I was driving for Uber for a couple months of free time. Which amounted to roughly twelve hours a week at most. Sometimes as low as six hours a week.  A couple weeks here and there, I didn’t have time to do it once. I stopped doing it though because the hours I have available to drive are slow  times, which means you actually lose money in the end. Factoring in gas alone, my 100 dollars in pay drops to 60. Factor in that taxes are not taken out, it drops to 30. Factor in ware on the car, drops to 20.  Who drives for 10 hours for 20 bucks?  I’m sure it’s a lot better for people who have electric / hybrid cars. My car gets 23 miles to the gallon. And you don’t get paid for the drive to pick them up. Which often is at least as long as the drive to their destination.

I think what amazes me most right now is the fact drivers get paid less for the Uber delivery service they are starting. The drivers are doing a lot more work. They get out to go in and pick up the delivery, carry it to their car. They then get out at the destination for the delivery, get out, carry it to the person. But they ultimately make a lot less. This is why they pretty quickly stopped requiring people to be driving for UberX first. Because they couldn’t keep drivers. They make less money. They don’t make enough as it is. So naturally, they’re not going to cut into their profit even more. It is no surprise they also slashed the required age of the car. It went from 2005 to 1996. Yeah. You’re going to need to reach further down into that bucket to find people willing to do this.  Good job, Uber.

So, here we are. I’m actually looking at places to apply to pick up a part time job. My availability is from 4am to 11am. It’s pretty awful. It essentially limits me to retail / fast food. I’ve found nothing else that can fit in that shift. Even bank tellers, at best, work to noon rarely, 1pm usually, for part time. Stockboys and early bird shifts at fast food. That’s about it.

What is frustrating about all of this is I’m going to be making 1/3 of what the wife makes an hour. So, I’ll be losing even more sleep, cutting into what tiny free time I have, to make 1/3 the wages my wife makes. Boy, I can’t wait. I should have gotten a vasectomy the moment Jami got pregnant with Ashlee.  I knew then, and never wavered, that I do not want (more) kids.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

Domestic Terrorism

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–

I’m not too clear on who I was traveling with. But we arrived to the property in the early morning hours.  The
property consisted of a central area for gathering and feasting, and several two to three story houses.

After getting our things settled into the room we were staying in, I talked to some of the residents and visitors who were there before heading outside to look around. I was aware we were on the border of town and across the street was a large field they were recording a native american movie in. There were sections made to look like a battle had taken place, some that looked like a battle was going to take place, and various camp scenes spread around.

I looked up and saw a light grey helicopter fly over with four other aircraft flying around it.  The helicopter was in the center and it looked like a predator drone was in front of it to the right. Another similar drone in front to the left, an F35 behind and to the right and an armed aircraft that looked like a mix of an A10 and a predator drone behind and to the left.  The group flew by then out of sight around buildings to the northeast. I could hear them, or so I thought, and reached in my pocket for my phone.  They flew over again, or maybe it was a different set as one of the two aircraft in back was clearly an F-111 ardvark.  All aircraft I saw were painted the same light grey / dirty white. The ardvark broke off from the rest and flew off to the left so I focused on that while recording.

I watched as the plane, with a gas tank under each wing and a bomb affixed under the plane at center rear, banked harder and harder. It started losing altitude fast and, while my phone was zoomed in as far as it could, watched on my screen as it was diving diagonally at a 45 degree angle.  I saw it disappear behind some large, distant, concrete bunker looking structures.  I lowered my phone wondering if i just saw a crash about a split second before I saw what looked like pyroclastic flow and explosive blast rising and flowing up and away from the crash site.

I threw my phone back in my pocket and hurried back inside.  Nobody seemed to take notice to anything strange going on.  I went upstairs to a small living room type area off of the room we were staying in. Nothing was going on at first until a guy called a couple others over to the TV he was watching.  I walked over to watch a news report about a tank that had been blown up in a seeming terrorist attack on a military base.  They showed video of a huge crater that looks like should be the location of one building, with multiple buildings around it heavily damaged and burning.  A bunch of vehicles and stacks of crates were sitting around on fire, also.

I asked where it was and one of the guys raised his arm up to point in the direction I saw the plane crash and said the name of the base which I now forget. I explained I saw a plane crash there, and what else I had seen. The guys blinked at me in disbelief.  One asked if he thought I could be mistaken and I explained I had watched for a few seconds before I actually walked away, more than enough for a plane that size to rise back up into view.  And with the angle of descent, it was probably impossible for it to pull up without crashing anyway.

I went to show the video but my phone was about dead so I went to find a place to plug it in. After ten minutes or so of walking around and eavesdropping on other people’s conversations, which were filled with people talking about the tank turned bomb terrorist attack across town, I went back to grab my phone.  I have a turbo charger that came with my phone that gives a few hour charge after just ten minutes.  As I was going through my photos and videos to find the recording to show the guy who tagged on behind me, knowing I was going to get my phone, my kid woke me up.

——–\/ advertisement \/——–



——–/\ advertisement /\——–