Thirty-Five

I never expected to live to thirty-five
I anticipated death with bleeding eyes
Cold and alone while none realized
Nobody remembering me to eulogize

Every year beyond that a free play
While self-hate within a stowaway
My brain churns in radioactive decay
Ignoring I feel I’ve overstayed

I watch from the outside
As inside I feel the backslide
I’ve never once felt qualified
Regardless of victories identified

Everything I finish I find total shit
All praise I see as counterfeit
I see all compliments fully unfit
Though feigned acceptance I emit

A surprise addition to the equation
Gives me forward moving persuasion
A truly compelling dissuasion
A seriously unbelievable occasion

But none of that seems to have mattered
My soul still longs to be shattered
My blood still hopes to be splattered
Regardless of the pitter-patter

I focus on wearing my mask
While quietly killing my flask
Trying to succeed in each task
Doing whatever it is they ask

 

Categories: SoN

Cyclic Thinking

this infinite machine inside of me
fucking everything thoroughly
no matter who i try to be
it rages on destructively

I need and bleed and read and plead
but total shit keeps flooding me
it clogs my mind and wrecks my soul
it drains my heat and leaves me cold

in times of desperation
my pistol looks delicious
in times of abjuration
my hope becomes fictitious

all traces of progress gone
i’m back in initial footprints
it’s the same thing
the same thing
the same thing
the same thing
nothing new to bring

nobody has anything new
it’s all been done that was to do
and now they’re following you
you can not grasp you’re deeply screwed

but we still have to try
when the well runs dry
we start the fire anyway
and the dust bowl begins

same as it always has
with cell phones and group homes
as it will always be
infinite debt and mechanical loans

Categories: SoN

Welcome to Life

ashes in the soil
a heart full of hope
life up through a coil
a neck squeezed by rope

kill them all for food
death must fuel the living
rise above the good
win the duel, keep moving

the millions spoiled
for the glory of a few
the workers toiled
for the comfortable you

for one to win many must lose
destroy them all for that revenue
the terrors for that phone you use
squeeze in the alleys to open the avenue

gather the roast
murder the slaves
let’s have a toast
reuse their graves

take their heirlooms
melt them for gold plating
empty out their rooms
we need space for ice skating

destroy the last
pour the blood in
whitewash the past
as the tires spin

it’s all you can eat
throw scraps at your feet
the yacht is my treat
our lackeys we beat

evict all the families
for vacation facilities
disregard the casualties
cut off their utilities

from their pain our pleasure rises
they should have had backup jobs
they don’t need tvs in bigger sizes
those pathetic lazy slobs

let us light up a cigar
and wave at them from afar
as they faint from fatigue
at least we made them leave

Categories: SoN

Infinite Machine

born and killed
alive and dead
everything always
inside my head

deja vu
through and through
footprints match
you and you

groundhog’s day
but i can’t stay
won’t go that way
can’t throw my pay

never again
but every time
nothing clever
my every crime

imagination
contamination
revelation
lonely nation

love shown out
hate punched in
hope like mold
lust my sin

born and killed
alive and dead
everything always
inside my head

the clone was born
i hide the scorn
my soul is torn
but will she learn?

from my mother
through my mind
and my sister
and my daughter

will the second?
can she evade?
will it wreck her?
will it invade?

the circle
i can’t escape
i stare it down
it’s never late

pain perfectly focused
it strips my bones clean
muddies up everything
an infinite machine

i tell myself
i hide behind black
i promise myself
i’m not coming back

i’ve never even left here
i’m weighted firmly down
miles beneath the surface
and i cannot seem to drown

born and killed
alive and dead
everything always
inside my head

everyone is better
and i am the worst
reality is bitter
but i deny it hurts

it comes up from within
it’s heartless and mean
burning under the skin
an infinite machine

it can’t be stopped
i’ve tried for years
both ends the same
a stream of tears

an infinite machine
i scream and scream and scream
an infinite machine
i wish this was a dream
an infinite machine
a standing corpse with a smile
an infinite machine
a sentence without a trial
an infinite machine
it goes on and on forever
an infinite machine