Can’t See Out Anymore

I don’t even know how to write this. I’ll paste this, and continue maybe.

Erik Smith
11 hrs 路 Instagram 路
Sometimes you have to accept a situation is fucked far beyond repair and you absolutely have to just give up. Hasta luego, I guess. 馃檨
first time taking that picture out of my wallet since i got it 10 years ago or so.

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2 Christa Smith and Catherine Schneider
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Will Major
Will Major Oh?
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Erik Smith
Erik Smith Yep. My fault I’m sure the story will go. So whatever.
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Will Major
Will Major Still clueless as to what that story is, but Okie doke.
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Erik Smith
Erik Smith I’ve been told “STOP” relating to fuck around shit on “my day” several times. Was pissing me off. Then the other day I was talking to one of her friends comparing notes on whatever topic, I can’t even remember. Then ash comes in and says stop again, adding “you’re 35 arguing with a 15 year old.” .. pissed me off. Conversation didn’t go well so I blocked her so I could cool down.

Heard she unfriended my sister from a distraught sister, and figured I better add her back since I calmed down. Well, then she dropped the old “you can’t keep coming in and out of my life like this.” Card because apparently even though she still had my phone number and herself took me of her Instagram, and it was the only time in three years we had any trouble at all (that I’m aware of) … Guess that warrants such a deep cutting comment. I disagree highly that it’s accurate. But she was steadfast that nope, fuck off.

So fuck it. I tried and failed miserably.

I don’t have much of a fuse to begin with and from observing her over the last couple years I have no hope at all so fuck it. At least she got a car out of the deal.

.. oh yeah, the moment i realized it was beyond hope was when jami was talking to me for just a few messages thismorning and said “yeah. she’s still mad, give her time.”

SHE’S still mad??: yeah. fuck it. like it was my fucking fault.聽same shit in that family every single time. it’s not ever any of their fault. ever. regardless of what that side does, it’s always the other people’s faults. always.
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that’s all i’ve been thinking most of the day. 聽SHE’S still mad? 聽SHE is still mad? 聽She started the shit. She made the comment that set it off. How the fuck is SHE the one that is still mad? I don’t even know what else to say. 聽Whole thing is fucked up. I wish I could just go back 3 years ago and just keep to my fucking self and not say shit.

Now I knew what it was like at least kind of knowing what was going on with her and it felt better than i could put into words than the 13 years before that. 聽well, 10 years before that. 2 or 3 of those first years i heard all the horrors we fucking knew was going to happen if she went to her family, happening, one stupid fucking drama thing after another, after another, after another, after another. 聽shit we didn’t want to put a kid in, but clearly had.

Fuck it. 聽Going back to drinking. 聽I can feel my face right now and that’s not good.

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