Watched Him Die

I first met him
but a tiny baby
we grew up
he stayed beside me

his cough a shotgun
we nursed him through
he got so strong
my love still grew

our lives separated
when we met again
he had new problems
my sick old friend

identified sources
she disagreed
explaining to a wall
rage filled me

i could have saved him
but i watched him die
he could have been with me
and i watched him die

at the end
i lived with him
on the other side of the world
at the end
i did nothing
feeling helpless and cold

at the end
i knew i had failed
as i stood there watching
as he twitched and flailed

i dug the hole
then i laid him down
i fell to my knees
what have i done

i could have saved him
but i watched him die
i could have taken him
but i watched him die

i wish
i could have dug
a bigger hole
and threw you in
but one day
i will shit on your grave
and i will not be
at your funeral
fuck you
if hell is real
i hope you burn
this isn’t theater
i want you to burn
eternally
i love you buddy
i’m sorry
i could have saved you
but i watched you die