Infinite Machine

born and killed
alive and dead
everything always
inside my head

deja vu
through and through
footprints match
you and you

groundhog’s day
but i can’t stay
won’t go that way
can’t throw my pay

never again
but every time
nothing clever
my every crime

imagination
contamination
revelation
lonely nation

love shown out
hate punched in
hope like mold
lust my sin

born and killed
alive and dead
everything always
inside my head

the clone was born
i hide the scorn
my soul is torn
but will she learn?

from my mother
through my mind
and my sister
and my daughter

will the second?
can she evade?
will it wreck her?
will it invade?

the circle
i can’t escape
i stare it down
it’s never late

pain perfectly focused
it strips my bones clean
muddies up everything
an infinite machine

i tell myself
i hide behind black
i promise myself
i’m not coming back

i’ve never even left here
i’m weighted firmly down
miles beneath the surface
and i cannot seem to drown

born and killed
alive and dead
everything always
inside my head

everyone is better
and i am the worst
reality is bitter
but i deny it hurts

it comes up from within
it’s heartless and mean
burning under the skin
an infinite machine

it can’t be stopped
i’ve tried for years
both ends the same
a stream of tears

an infinite machine
i scream and scream and scream
an infinite machine
i wish this was a dream
an infinite machine
a standing corpse with a smile
an infinite machine
a sentence without a trial
an infinite machine
it goes on and on forever
an infinite machine

Welcome to Life

ashes in the soil
a heart full of hope
life up through a coil
a neck squeezed by rope

kill them all for food
death must fuel the living
rise above the good
win the duel, keep moving

the millions spoiled
for the glory of a few
the workers toiled
for the comfortable you

for one to win many must lose
destroy them all for that revenue
the terrors for that phone you use
squeeze in the alleys to open the avenue

gather the roast
murder the slaves
let’s have a toast
reuse their graves

take their heirlooms
melt them for gold plating
empty out their rooms
we need space for ice skating

destroy the last
pour the blood in
whitewash the past
as the tires spin

it’s all you can eat
throw scraps at your feet
the yacht is my treat
our lackeys we beat

evict all the families
for vacation facilities
disregard the casualties
cut off their utilities

from their pain our pleasure rises
they should have had backup jobs
they don’t need tvs in bigger sizes
those pathetic lazy slobs

let us light up a cigar
and wave at them from afar
as they faint from fatigue
at least we made them leave

Cyclic Thinking

this infinite machine inside of me
fucking everything thoroughly
no matter who i try to be
it rages on destructively

I need and bleed and read and plead
but total shit keeps flooding me
it clogs my mind and wrecks my soul
it drains my heat and leaves me cold

in times of desperation
my pistol looks delicious
in times of abjuration
my hope becomes fictitious

all traces of progress gone
i’m back in initial footprints
it’s the same thing
the same thing
the same thing
the same thing
nothing new to bring

nobody has anything new
it’s all been done that was to do
and now they’re following you
you can not grasp you’re deeply screwed

but we still have to try
when the well runs dry
we start the fire anyway
and the dust bowl begins

same as it always has
with cell phones and group homes
as it will always be
infinite debt and mechanical loans

Thirty-Five

I never expected to live to thirty-five
I anticipated death with bleeding eyes
Cold and alone while none realized
Nobody remembering me to eulogize

Every year beyond that a free play
While self-hate within a stowaway
My brain churns in radioactive decay
Ignoring I feel I’ve overstayed

I watch from the outside
As inside I feel the backslide
I’ve never once felt qualified
Regardless of victories identified

Everything I finish I find total shit
All praise I see as counterfeit
I see all compliments fully unfit
Though feigned acceptance I emit

A surprise addition to the equation
Gives me forward moving persuasion
A truly compelling dissuasion
A seriously unbelievable occasion

But none of that seems to have mattered
My soul still longs to be shattered
My blood still hopes to be splattered
Regardless of the pitter-patter

I focus on wearing my mask
While quietly killing my flask
Trying to succeed in each task
Doing whatever it is they ask

Talking To The Dead

hello there
don’t fake a smile
your age shows around your eyes
i let out a deep sigh

i’m awake again.
the dream wasn’t any better
but if my heartbeat could have stopped
i could have gone to what’s next

but there you are
need to take a shower
maybe i’ll black out
crack my head open
bleed out on the floor

go grab the gun across the room
push it into your jaw, go boom
you are a cancer among the rest
departing any way would be best

just walk.
take a shovel.
you know remote desert a couple days away
just load the food to get you there
and bring your gun
let’s set out and have some fun

find a nice deep place
erase, erase, erase
don’t give them a bill, a corpse
let nature take its course
and erase, erase, erase

just leave a note
fuck you all
i hate the world
and i’m going
promise you’ll be dead this week
don’t come looking, it’s done, i’m gone

they’re all dead to me anyway
so much of the country i used to admire
may as well be swept away by fire
and maybe something better will grow
but there’s no hope to throw
in direction of unbelievable shit like that

food for the animals
let them eat well for a little while
assuming they find what’s left
after the bullets tear it apart
but it’s a start
no need to stay here
the future is clear
the end of a flushed toilet
sweeping us down the drain
into a river of piss
human life has come to this

i guess i’ll take a shower

Dying Outward

the dark within
rotting up through the skin
making my heart slow down
and my mind speed up
while unable to give a fuck

i look around town, driving down
to pick up the next person
who might make me forget for a second
laughing and talking about the world
that i forget i am not interested in
while we laugh and move forward within

i try to slow the expansion
but my heart, soul, bones, all gone
no matter what i’ve done
my skin is eating away next
and i’ll finally have gone away
right in front of your eyes
and finally i’ll be over

the vibrating sounds
and deafening silence
march onward through time
as i flirt with crossing the line
from here to where there is nothing
to match my hopes and dreams
drown out these screams with explosions
disappear and leave few traces
that anyone will notice, anyway

all the things i want to complete
as my entire being gets eaten
one after another abandoned
and the rest left half finished
as i close books and bury bones
gave up on finding my way home
as dreams are realized as dreams
and reality is seen through the surface
a lie tied to a brick, at the bottom

it’s all in front of us
throughout our lives
while they point to the skies
as we’re pulled down by lies
hope drowns soon enough
and every time i give a fuck
the aids seeps in
and the destruction advances
my feet were in the water
now so far overhead
but i can’t seem to die

Black At Noon

Back and forth
Glance at the screen
The mind a fire
Burning all I’ve seen

Back and forth
The sun up high
The air is still
The demons cry

Back and forth
The swing moves on
The child smiles
All hope is gone

Back and forth
To keep that joy
As hundreds die
The drones deploy

No sun I can see in the skies above
No life I can live or truth I can love
While I push my body to action for her
No shadows around as my life is a blur

All shapes are black and outlined in grey
Nothing has texture and night here as day
I wait for my pulse to stop so I can get away
My life already over but I still need to stay

Back and forth
a breeze comes through
she giggles and moves her hair aside
as i fake a smile and wait to die

How Do I Care?

Your words ring hollow
Like nothing at all
Your mind looks shallow
Like a fucking cheap doll

I thought it was different
A better direction
But it isn’t pretty
A zitty complexion

I’ve been wrong before
But with things less important
I read you like a book
But I was seeing distortion

The mirror a fabrication
An image created within
How the fuck do I care?
I don’t know where to begin

I try to be positive
But find myself in fire
So how the fuck to care?
What exactly is required?

All I see is trash
Wrapped around skeletons
I want to see the flash
Endless megatons

Fuck all humanity
Even what’s inside of me
The cancer needs cut free
No one deserves to be

I used to hope
For the good I dared
Even against the ropes
Now I can’t fucking care
There’s nothing there
A dry socket
Launch the rockets
Melt the pain away

Stare

I read through stuff I wrote long ago
I see I still had hope back in those days
Now that hope is a pin on a penny
A hundred thousand miles away
The only thing that resembles hope
Is the dreams of the end of humanity
Because we’re not worth spending energy
Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything left
In humanity, within myself, or in the future
That could be worth a single fucking thing
From within my animated corpse I stare
Seeing the outer walls move everywhere
As I numbly seem to float midair
Evils around me are millionaires
Nature isn’t supposed to be fair
This is causing my mind to tear

The soul died recently
The heart died long ago
And my mind is scared it’s next
As I blankly stare at my body
Moving about through the world

My Eyes

I look into my eyes
on an infant’s face
and feel darkness
ahead of both of us

I see her sleep
peacefully
and see the future
crying and heartbreak

The earth in decline
as she ascends
in age and intellect
towards the end

A growing bubble
of disdain and rage
primed by separation
will eventually pop

My greatest job
is to prepare her
to stand up
and live through it