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What I am going to talk about in this entry is not something I expect one soul to believe. But I feel it is vital in explaining what I now know about the afterlife. If I lose you in this post, I apologize. All I can do is try to share what I know. I do not blame those who close this out somewhere in the oncoming text.
As some of you may know I was Agnostic from 17 to about 32. This didn’t change because of any brainwashing or forcing myself to believe because I missed feeling the comfort of believing in god. In fact, I now feel even less comfortable than I did as an Agnostic. Much less the comfort I felt as a Lutheran.
I changed from Agnostic to just a Believer because God itself started talking to me. I say itself because there was no way for me to discern a gender. I have always had dreams about the end of the world. They came in forms of nuclear war, global war that left nothing left and various asteroid and other doomsday scenarios. Then they began getting much more specific and narrow in field.
After a few weeks solid of dreams in a row which followed front to back along the same story line, I started really beginning to freak out. Then I got sick. As people in the dream were sick from various forms of radiation poisoning, fallout from failed to detonate but leaking biological weapons and radiation from the sun due to a terrorist attack destroying much of the ozone, my flu worsened.
I got to feeling better and was out sitting on the high point of a hiking trail looking out over a desert to the west of Phoenix. The sky started to get brighter and brighter and I was overcome by a horrible feeling. Several spots in the sky went from specs to large bright balls and suddenly I found myself standing naked in the center of a very sterile, cold grey metal room.
The floor was concave and void of detail. There were rings of light around the top of the room. There were no walls as the ceiling and floor were both concave where the edges met in a circular inverted point. Was I in what I can only assume is a UFO? No way. I felt motion behind me and turned quickly.
Before me stood, no shit, three thin armed, bodied and legged grey beings. Their faces, you guessed it, were long and V shaped with rounded tops. They had big black eyes and slits for mouths. Their mouths didn’t move at all when they began talking.
“You have lost faith” the one in the front center said to me. Somehow I could absolutely tell that was the one which was talking. The voice was very soft and comforting but still very strong and confident. It had an absolution to it without being too scary. The situation was scary to me, but that voice was not so much.
“What do you mean?” I asked, surprised I could even talk with the level of terror in me.
“I have been monitoring you,” it began. “You have been reading through our various correspondence and found every shred of it to be wanting. You then protested your first church.”
"Who are you?" I questioned with a little louder voice tone than I meant to use.
"I am god" it says with a very soft voice. "I am the one you think of as god. Why have you lost faith?"
“You follow religion?” I asked with a very, very large amount of confusion.
“I started religion. I started all religion” it answered. “I broke up the languages when they were growing in numbers too quickly. I needed them to fight each other out of fear of not understanding each other. When one religion would get too large I would create another. And now that the world is growing closer and closer to one, I am looking at new measures.”
“I’m listening,” I stated. I really wanted to understand what the fuck was going on there.
“Why don’t you believe any of the religions?” it asked. “Why not Lutheran? Why not Mormon? Why not at least Buddhism? Why were none of these satisfactory?”
“Because none of it seems real. It all seems fabricated for different purposes,” I said. “How can I believe something that seems so directly used as a control to wrap around people?”
The being in the center turned entirely to the being on it’s left, then it’s right. They disappeared and the creature in the center turned back towards me. “You are not afraid,” it stated as an observation.
“I am curious,” I said truly.
“What do you want to know?” it asks.
“Why the confusion in individual scriptures? Why no uniformity? Why all the horrible stories? Why do people believe their gods are all powerfull? All knowing? How could any god have planned everything but not be responsible for much of anything? How exactly” - I was cut off here.
“You’re right” it firmly stated, as it tilted it’s head very slightly. My jaw stayed slack as I stared at it for a while. I slowly closed my mouth and looked off to the side at a total loss of what to say.
“Then ….” I started but trailed off. I really don’t know what to ask if he says I’m right on that start of a train of thought.
“I help humans” it said. “Sometimes I wipe most of them out. Sometimes I give them huge advancements when I see they can use them. Sometimes I don’t have time to check in on them very often and by the time I do, they’ve twisted their own religions so far out of recognition I can’t get them back to the point again.”
“So are humans your toys or your creation?” I asked, curious.
“They are a toy I care about,” it said. It tilts it’s head slowly as if it wonders why I don’t already know that.
“That does make sense, in a morbid way” I said.
“Morbid?” it said then sounding a little angry. “How is letting population grow so out of control a third of the world is in slave labor with the other two thirds not acknowledging it? How is letting a population that expands against the odds while constantly raping and murdering better? Is it not more helpful to destroy the heart and soul of a generation as most of the population gets wiped out so the next generations have a new chance? Four generations later what I did will be misconstrued anyway. Much less forty.”
“So you,” I started saying before stopping to look around while gauging my words. “So you really aren’t all knowing and all powerful?” I stared at it as it was completely still for several seconds. It may have been minutes. I don’t remember clearly. Then it’s head started to very slowly tilt to almost a 45 degree angle.
“Do you believe that?” it asked with a cautious tone.
“Used to,” I began, as I weighed words carefully again. “But not for years. Now I have no possible way to believe any kind all powerful, all knowing god exists.” I watched intentively expecting some sort of reaction but it stood there still for several moments. I couldn’t get nervous though because I knew if I was actually in danger I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to do shit about it.
“Not every detail,” it stated. The sound shattered a silence I had apparently grown accustomed to. “An action that set into motion. I observed. Actually, we observed. But I noticed there was more. The project accomplished what we wanted but I kept it with me and paid attention. I saw deep inside and realized we created another of what we were. Nobody paid mind to it but me. So I kept and watched it. Watched you. Watched all of you happen.”
I was totally lost. I mean, I had concepts of what I thought he could have been talking about, but had no concrete ideals. I had to ask for clarification, and I did. “What was the action?”
“How to explain” it stated. Then it’s eyes grew very slightly in size though the materiel which made up it’s face didn’t seem to be altered. “Do you know of the particle colliders on your planet?”
“Yes,” I responded, thinking I may be following along now.
“Those are very primitive forms of the device -” it’s voice trails off and it’s body slowly turns away from me, then back. “everything you know was created inside of. A test produced this… universe. As you call it. Instead of discarding it what would have been six billion years ago by your scientist’s calculations, I kept it so I could observe it’s expansion and development. You do not seem surprised.”
I paused for a couple full minutes before responding. “That thought has been thrown around the scientific community as a what if,” I explained. I saw it nod very slowly. “You probably knew that, huh?”
“Yes,” it stated politely. “Very impressive ideas come from Earth scientists,” it continued. “It is a pity so many accomplish so little with their more interesting ideas.”
I start looking around feeling like I could sit down. No more than that thought having crossed my mind and the being gestured off to my right behind me. I turned and saw two plastic looking chairs that seemed to be sized for each of us. I walked over and sat in the larger one.
“Thank you” I said feeling grateful to be off my legs. I was getting quite fatigued. It came on suddenly and without much reason.
“You’re welcome,” it said politely. “What do you think heaven is?”
The question took me by surprise. “Not real?” I tried to answer with as much sincerity as possible. I tried to make it sound like it wasn’t snarky or harsh, but something I had come to believe as truth over a long time. Probably just sounded snarky though.
“Good,” it stated clearly. “There is no final death but no heaven.”
That took me by enough surprise I instinctively sat up straight in my chair. “No final death?” I asked with annoyance I was not able to hide.
“Energy does not end,” it stated plainly. “The mind is filled with a large amount of energy. Many believe it is generated and when the human body dies it stops generating causing no more energy to exist for things like brain function. That is false. The ultimate key to unlimited energy rests in the brain if scientists just find it.”
I had no words so I simply leaned back in my chair. I found it very uncomfortable so I tried a few times to reposition myself accordingly.
“There are many universes, as you call them” it explained. “When you die here there is a directly connected universe where you get placed. It looks very much like what you are used to, but is not. It is impossible for me to explain without you experiencing it. That is why the afterlife is so hard to get translated through humans without them getting excited. When you tell them there is life after death it seems to me they begin fantasizing about how perfect it could be and inject their fantasies into their gospel. Their gospel they claim as mine. But this is not the case.”
“Many people die and do not figure out how to proceed” it continues. “This is one source of ghosts. Others simply do not want to proceed. I am sure you have encountered such theories in your travels”
I nodded in agreement and listened intently as it went on.
“Many get to our doors after they have left or been taken from what they knew and don’t understand how to summon us. Different time periods have their different tools to reach out. In the past it was a stone knocked against the passage gate. Now it is a whistle. In the future it is telepathy. These sorts of differences help the harvesters,” it paused and changed the angle of it’s face away from me very quickly and stopped talking. The pause continued for six or seven seconds before it started speaking again.
“It helps them end up where they need to go,” it concluded.
“Harvesters?” I asked with an obvious sound of annoyance in my voice.
“I worded that wrong,” it responded strongly. For the first time it was sounding what might be interpreted as angry. I did. “As your farmers harvest crops, some of them are split into different products. Sometimes we need them for our own. Sometimes they need to go back to their dimension in a new birth. Often they are used for other things. The word isn’t harvest. It is sort. As the farmers dispose of scrap but separate different parts for different uses.”
At that moment I became very uncomfortable. I thought how badly I wanted to find a way to slip out of this place.
Then I was laying in a desert bed, dirty and tired. I looked around and realized there had to be various snakes around and stood up quickly. There was no path around and when I walked it was clear. I was on untouched ground as the desert ground is mostly covered with a couple inches of dried vegetation. I was familiar with this around Phoenix but it took me a while before I figured out the lay of the mountains I could see to the north had to be Tucson.
Sure enough, after having found a road several hours later I hitchhiked straight to Tucson. Though I seemed to arrive there instantly once I thought how bad I wanted out, during the walk I could clearly remember the being telling me we would speak more soon. Though I felt extremely uncomfortable with that concept I didn’t feel I had any choice in the matter.
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