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. 01 . 02 .




For months after the initial time I met god I was on edge.   As time passed I became increasingly uneasy as I expected to instantly be back in that place.  Would they bring me there while I’m around others?  Would it be when I was alone again?  Would they chance people seeing me disappear?  

I kept going back to that spot west of Phoenix hoping to continue the conversation.  Of course the time came one morning before work when I was watching pornography of all things.  I understand it’s not a very flattering thing to be doing.  But when you have the choice of releasing pressure or being distracted by it all day… What can you do?

I instantly went from massaging my balls to falling backwards onto a cold metal floor.  My erection quickly faded after I hit the ground.  I gained my composure and noticed the grey alien figure standing again off to my side.  I stood up and pulled my shorts back on from around my ankles.  

“Little warning?” I said while blushing.

“I know you have questions,” it said in the voice I’ve been replaying in my head daily.

“I do.  Mind if I get comfortable?” I asked hoping for something to sit on.  I saw it gesture behind me so I turned again and see a leather couch.  I turned back and gave a sour look.  “Ass hole,” I said with a sarcastic tone as I walked over and sat on the couch.

“I wanted you to be on a familiar surface” it said in a kind voice I imagine one would use when mocking a child after giving it a smart ass answer.

“This is the first time I’ve actually been on a couch like this” I said as I got comfortable.  

“I should,” it began to say then paused.  It looked down at itself and continued saying “get in a comfortable figure.”  After it said that it turned into Morgan Freeman.

“What … the fuck?” I asked, confused.

“Well I chose to be what you know as a grey alien.  Visually,” it responded.  “But now that you don’t seem as panicked I decided to take your favorite form of God so far.”

“How did you know that?” I asked truly curious.  It responded with a raised eyebrow and a very clear look of ‘Really?’   “Alright,” I said.  “Are you going to get comfortable?”

It snapped it’s fingers and a large black leather chair appeared.  It sat down and crossed it’s legs, as Morgan Freeman’s god character seems to like to do.  It rested it’s head in a finger and asked “Questions?”

“So how much of the Bible was even influenced by you?” I asked.  

“All of it,” it responded.  “And you can call me God.  You don’t have to refer to me as it.”  …  I was actually just inspired to type that.  I guess that makes sense.  Sorry, God.

“So if we were created in your image, does that make you a heavily flawed ass hole at heart?” I asked with a wavering of fear in my voice.

“Why do you have such a negative world view?” God asks with an amused look on his face.

“How can I not?” I pondered aloud.  “I mean, seriously.  You’ve seen Earth lately.  It’s insane.”

“Could it be insane because you are shown the vast majority of the negative by all frequent sources possible?” he asked with a sarcastic but playful facial expression.

“You’re right, actually” I said while nodding.  He made the hand gesture of ‘See?’ as I started into another question.  “So why allow all this pain on earth?  Do you supposedly allow Satan to run around pulling all these strings and fucking humanity around?  Hitler?  Child rapists?  Catholic fucking church, speaking of which?  How dare you?”

I was interrupted by God.  “Stop.  Relax and listen,” God said.  I stopped even though I was just getting started.   “I need to clarify something for you right now.  I am not what you think I am.  I am only presenting myself to you like this to get your attention.”

At that point my nerves locked up and I had that feeling that I wanted to leave again.  Only, I didn’t appear somewhere else.  I was still sitting there. Maybe because I didn’t really want to leave I just really wanted to not be so nervous I might burst out yelling and get struck down by whatever this was I was talking to. I watched him settle into his chair and observed his facial expression change slowly into a serious look.

“I claim I am god.  This is true,” he began, looking at least totally convinced that what he was saying was true. “I can change my appearance and our surroundings at will because nothing in your reality is nearly as powerful as me.  I am in fact all powerful.  I can destroy a planet, a star, all the planets and stars.  I do have rules, though.  Though no living entity anywhere in the universe fully understands my full powers.  I do see everything.  It’s not that I plan everything.  It’s that everything goes according to my plan.

“You have seen the imagery comparing brain cells to the current visual representation of humanity’s present  understanding of the universe.  You’ve seen the nebula comparison to the webbing of the human eye.  The birth of  cell against the death of a star.  There are thousands more that will be found if humans continue down this path of scientific discovery.  

“It’s not that I sat down and wrote out every single detail of everything that would happen every second.  It’s not that I even had an overall plan.  It is as a seed is in nature.  It is grown, dispatched, finds a future or a death.  It can dry up and become food for other plants and animals in a very fractional way.  Or it can become a plant and send forward new seeds.  As is God’s plan.  It’s a plan as much as the law is a lawyer’s plan.  Open to interpretation.  And different from eye to eye.

“One of the things you have correct is everything was absolutely not created from nothing.  Everything came from everything. Nothing comes from nothing.  Everything always was and always will be.  In the beginning was not the first beginning.  Just humanity’s beginning.  Adam and eve were not human as humans see humanity today.  Nor will be humanity in their end days.  Humans are but crawling children who haven’t found their footing, though they think they can communicate just fine.  They can move around and leave what they once knew on their own power.  They can’t walk, can’t dissect the works of shakespeare and surely can’t drive.  

“Another thing you have correct is time did not start.  Time is a measurement.  Existence has always been.  Will always be.  Were meters and centimeters not around before they were put to use in measuring?  Yes.  Another of man’s tools.  Because days start does not mean everything had to have first started somewhere.”

“So what the fuck is the deal with the new testament?  Buddhist discourses? The main four wiccan books? Mayan codexes?  Quran and Sunnah?” I asked, starting to get annoyed with the fact I’m hearing so much that makes sense from God, supposedly.  While very little of religion, over all, comparing and contrasting, makes any sense at all.

“Man needs to understand,” he responded while raising a hand as to gesture his desire for me to relax. “When man does not understand, it finds ways to feel like they understand.  Where did we come from?  Oh, well, we were created.  How did everything get here?  In the beginning, god made the heavens and the earth, and it was good.  How could anything at all have survived that flood that killed everything as far as we could see?  Oh, god warned a family and walked them through building a boat, collecting animals that needed collecting.

“That’s why these books really only describe things that were around the writers and their experiences.  Nothing actually came from me.  Just the inspiration to save them from themselves the only way the people of the time could manage.  It is also why so many similarities keep bleeding from one religion to the next as new ones spring up.  Man can only relate to what he understands.  

“You can not tell someone to write about the world being round and revolving around the sun when you can spend your whole life looking for someone who believes just one of those two things and fail.  It will not happen.  It does not happen.  The only thing I find surprising is these ancient texts being selectively applied instead of brave new religions taking the baton with modern rewrites.

“I’ve wondered that myself,” I added.

“They are cropping up, though.  But like the sprout of a fast growing weed at low tide, always seem to be washed away before they can blossom.  And with this I must leave you for you are growing weary and need rest.

No sooner did I register the word rest was I standing in my kitchen looking into the sink.  Why was I looking into the sink?  How did I get fully dressed?  Where did these bunny slippers come from?  I don’t own bunny slippers.  

I am reasonably sure, though, this is real and I’m definitely not losing my mind.  I am simply having a hard time adjusting to these encounters.  Nothing else outside of these two occurrences have been anything near this odd.  This is truly unusual for me.

. 01 . 02 .